The Tipping Revolution

"Mediocre service from a snooty waiter" indeed. Why is it that some travellers have decided that all French waiters are rude and uncouth brutes a few steps on the evolutionary ladder below Piltdown?

I must be lucky, because my experience in French restaurants is consistently different. Is it because I am suave and charming, and exude a powerful aura of animal magnetism? I don't actually recall introducing myself as "Bond, James Bond," but that must surely be it. Unless it's simply because I smile, thank the waiter for the menu, ask questions in a polite, friendly manner, and demonstrate that, despite the evident handicap of having been born into the language of Shakespeare and the Kray brothers, I have gone to the trouble of learning a bit of French. It's true that tipping no longer exists in France - at least not at the level of restaurant I frequent - as a 15% service charge is part of every bill. Showering alms on the poor isn't the only way to show you appreciate a restaurant's service and good food.

Maybe though, just maybe, this "tipping" racket isn't such a bad idea after all. Let's tip the engine driver when we reach our destination without derailing. Or the shop girl when she manages to find a really posh pair of shoes that actually fits. Perhaps we should also tip the plumber, when he comes to fix a leak, and a year or two later it still isn't leaking. And it would be simple common sense to tip the traffic police when they let you off with a cautionary warning, instead of a hefty fine.

In my job as a teacher, there are some days when I think I really deserve a good tip. None of this shiny red apple business, you know, I mean some real dosh. Depending on how well the students tip me, I could guage my individualized response in future class sessions, giving some an encouraging smile and expert exam advice, while others got a cold stare and thinly-veiled sarcasm at their obvious lack of social graces. Imagine what that would do for improving final form results and student motivation for homework. If we start now, the next generation of power-tippers may learn that happiness and satisfaction has nothing at all to do with kind words and congenial facial contractions. Only a quick grab for the wallet can express true gratitude.